Posts

Not worth his Love

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~ Relationship ~ As much as I'm failing in my daily life. I'm failing in my relationship as well. I just deal with breakup these past few days. I love him, Ichwan Chaerul Nahar. A lot. And he is not from here. He's Indonesian. We broke up over the reason my mom. Yeah Because my mom keep putting burden over my shoulder not to be like my sister, don't repeat the same mistakes like her. Just because she's a divorcee. Since that my mom become over protective since I'm not the only one left in my family who isn't married yet. But this is about my love life. I love him. I'd do anything for him. But.. He doesn't want me anymore. I don't know how could he did this to me. He forget all his promises to me. Not to leave me. I told him I will keep loving him as much as I can even though it hurts me. Missing him is killing me. I will kept my heart from anyone. As I'm picking up every broken pieces of my heart I'm making promises not to f
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Welcome to my life

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Hi, I'm back as I promised. Lets start where I left of. So yeah Depression and Anxiety. What can I say. Now i just feel like nothing. Expressionless, hopeless. I don't even know where to start my story. ~ Family ~ I grew up in a very strict family. Where my dad doesn't take no excuse in your mistakes. I'm the youngest from three sibling. The eldest is my sister and then my brother. They both grew up fine. Unlike me. I always wonder why I was meant to be like this. Weak Fragile Vulnerable Even in terms of education I was the lowest. I don't perform in education or even in my career choices. I always feeling down over it. When I saw my other sibling can afford to buy things and treat my parent. Why?? Why can't I be like them? I get scolded, shout at, and hit a lot as child. That is how my dad treat us siblings. But how can this affect me a lot. Why I'm so weak. To the point I love torturing, punish myself. I've become addict from it. Since
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You Know It

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It might be a long time since my last post. Years maybe. I'm just stopping by just to look how things around and maybe update a bit about my latest life stories. Some might not knew about this, I suffered from Depression and Anxiety like almost 2 years since I was diagnosed by psychiatric. A lot of things happens since then. Well at first I hid it from my family since my main problem comes from them. Until I just can't hold it much longer that I almost being held in hospital. Self-harm gets worst, suicide thought come first everyday. To much to say it in one post. Maybe I will post it slowly. If i can come back Queen
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