Welcome to my life

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Hi, I'm back as I promised.

Lets start where I left of. So yeah Depression and Anxiety. What can I say. Now i just feel like nothing. Expressionless, hopeless. I don't even know where to start my story.

~ Family ~
I grew up in a very strict family. Where my dad doesn't take no excuse in your mistakes. I'm the youngest from three sibling. The eldest is my sister and then my brother. They both grew up fine. Unlike me. I always wonder why I was meant to be like this.

Weak

Fragile

Vulnerable

Even in terms of education I was the lowest. I don't perform in education or even in my career choices. I always feeling down over it. When I saw my other sibling can afford to buy things and treat my parent. Why?? Why can't I be like them?

I get scolded, shout at, and hit a lot as child. That is how my dad treat us siblings. But how can this affect me a lot. Why I'm so weak.
To the point I love torturing, punish myself. I've become addict from it. Since my father quit doing it, I did it to myself. Punches, knife, scissors. Everything I could put my hands on.

That is when I think of suicide. Hang myself, jump of a building. And hearing voices in my head. Endless argument. Saying I'm useless and else.

I almost got hospitalized. I almost think that I'm crazy. Why I'm always like this. I hate being weak. But I just cant get away from it. Like its was part of me.


Queen

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